Do you love your parent –Yes, Do you hate your parent sometimes…I guess the answer is also yes. No matter how old you become you still have a struggle of- power or opinion with your parent.It is continuous struggle of power but study shows some phases are worse than others.To Survive hardest phase of parenting there some useful technique proved successful over the time.
It is the mother nature of parents who try to make children’s life perfect. On the other hand children want to explore and many times do not care if it is as bad as parent predicted, because as soon as the child grow a self awareness he/she want his separate identity and freedom. Result is mostly a conflict with parents.
So which is the hardest time for a parent in raising a kid-Infant, toddler, junior high, and high school or afterwards? Every age has special needs and special challenges.
Infants are attention seeker-
They need help to sleep, to eat, to be cleaned. Parents have to accept the fact that they will be sleep deprived and always tired doing everything for the baby.
Toddler years are also challenging-
Feeding toddler right food, answering to his never ending queries, Teaching him the ways to fit in the world and restraining him from the forbidden obsessions like-watching i-pad nonstop, eating chocolate all the time. Very often parent have to play the bad cop in this stage.
Teenager are most difficult to keep up with-
It may seem at that stage, parenting will be easier when children grow up, but a survey of more than 2000 well-educated moms by at Arizona State University says different thing. According to the study mothers of middle schoolers (12- to 14-year olds) feel most challenged.
When trying to survive hardest phase of parenting nature of expected challenges
Children aging 12-14 are those who want freedom and want to belong to the society at the same time. They go through more challenge as stepping to high school and facing the competition, making significant educational choices that are likely to influence their career. These struggling kids may start their struggle in adjacent years and continue little longer, in most cases. As they find it difficult to fit in while going through the adolescent changes they happen to reflect it in their behavior. At these stage children are afraid of the judgment and persist being judgmental same time. Parents specially mothers being the closest one to children gets the heat most. As the adage say ‘We often behave worst with the most loved ones”. According to the study moms of middle schoolers feel –least satisfied, more distressed, and suffer from emptiness.
Weapons at battlefield
Yap its nothing less than a battle so weapons has to be consistent, user friendly and properly timed.
Be more neutral
Any mom knows how delicate this is. No matter how much she tries she cannot be an unbiased third person. However it is main reason why children at this stage want to go at some distance.
They want privacy and want to make choices on own. So Mom has to be prepared to let her daughter shop for herself and let her make some mistakes and learns by herself. Same thing goes for son as well. Let them go out but be sure to be aware of whereabouts.
Talk to children more often
As their life may get a higher pace for your teen child, it may become difficult to have meals at same table same time, do not force them into rules. Rather make time to meet them.
Find the time to talk about your day and in response ask them about their day. When asked for opinion give your perspectives do not make decision.
Live in the same planet
Yap you read it right. I know some parents too supportive and liberal that they never let children know the hardship they go through in their life. Definitely children at 12 are still kids, yet it is required to make them understand your life is also hard. That means share your problem to some extent with them and see what innovative solution they have to give. This will build a trust between you two your child will be glad to be treated as an adult and will be more careful next time he/she snarl at you.
Talk to other parents
Same aged children generally go through some common behavioral pattern.If you talk to other parents things may become easier and you may get more insight to your own situation. If nothing matches at least you will be less burdened with the unspoken absence of fulfillment.
Do not lose it
You may have break into tears or barked in anger at your toddler and next thing was hugging him/her and saying sorry. However teens are neither so forgiving nor forgetful. So even though you are super anxious or very angry do not react at the sphere of the moment.
After all you are their first role model. So take time and talk to the other parent (if it is a two parent family) about what punishment to announce. Situation should not be something you are saying something and partner is disapproving in front of the kids. Also talk to your teen child about the punishment and make sure he/she agrees on its fairness.
Take the advantage
After so many years of overly active parenting you have entered to a phase where you have some time for yourself. Whether you like it or not it is going to be different from now on. Of course you won’t let your child go on all by him, but surely you are enjoying more free time. Rather than relinquishing your sweet memory of parenting be little more fun.Apart from worrying how to survive hardest phase of parenting Give your life a second chance to do the things you wished to do.Try learning a new skill, language, yoga whatever you think interests you and will help you to be more cheerful.