Blog

Make children listen

There is no guarantee even for the one who did masters on parenting to cover all the bases of good parenting. Every grownup is raised in certain way, with parents having  some (if not most) differences, Still the commitment and uniformity of parents in judgments stumps impact in a child. I have a vision about parenting that is a united form of my research, perception and take from my parents. We all have this hit and miss parental dos and don’ts that are carried to us from the parents.We take it forward to the next generations. So rather than worrying How to make children listen , it will more helpful to start the process as soon as possible.

Set an example-

I was watching a cricket match the other day and soon found my 1 year old who hardly started speaking was raising his hand showing his index finger to utter the word ‘OUT’. Yes he was copying the player’s urge.They start copying even earlier than that. What they see most, they do most. As they watch us as the most visible grownups around them they do copy us. This way it becomes easier for parent to make children listen to them if they do things consciously in front of kids.

 make children listen
Set an example

If we are not exhibiting kindness, bravery, maturity, attentiveness we are better not to expect those traits from them.

Practice good habits-

Darren Mays public health researcher with the Cancer Prevention & Control Program  says in a study “Our analysis showed that the longer adolescents are exposed to a parent’s smoking when the parent is addicted to nicotine, the more likely they are to begin smoking and to become regular smokers in the future,” It was also found that children with a smoking parent has 10 time more chance to smoke or try smoking than a child from non smoking parent.

how to make children listen to you
Practice good habits

We expect our children to eat veggies, watch less tv, engage with us more than engage with gadgets. However when we are to do the same we cannot always be conscious enough to love us so much to take good care of ourselves and change bad habits. So while trying to make children listen we are to try healthy habits too, as we are their first role models.

Be there to love-

We the parents by nature are more or less the most care giving people on earth to our children. Still there are moments when we cannot keep a promise or put our children first .The less such number of events occurs are the better. Because to raise a confident child with strong self esteem we need to build a secure and dependable base.

A British child psychiatrist John Bowlby shows that a “secure base” is one of the most necessary things to raise a confident kid with high self esteem. He showed in his research that the loving and trusting relationship between a parent and child gives him the signal of a trusted environment, where he feels free to move and explore.

Show accountability in your child’s presence-

We cannot always have the best self control. There are times when we lash out or behave improperly in front of kids. In such circumstances best solution is to let him know that it was wrong though it was done by us. Like we can start a conversation –“I think I should have been more active in helping your mom to do the dishes” or “I wish I did not skip bath the other day, taking a bath every day reenergize me.”

How to make children listen to you
acknowledge mistakes

If we engage our children into such conversation we are reinforcing them into wish full thinking and letting them know even matured people have room for betterment.

Engraving faithfulness

Loyalty or faithfulness is one hard to engrave quality in people. Especially in today’s world when our child’s best friends are virtual characters in games. To practice sense of loyalty and bonding we need to share the glorious stories of our country and history with our children. Need to show how important friends are at their trying times.

how to make children listen to you
Engrave loyalty

However we need to be aware of not confusing loyalty with misplaced loyalty. We need not to indulge our children with unnecessary pleasure items whether it’s a food or a toy just to show our love or loyalty.

Keep promise and be the strong shoulder-

To raise a dependable child again we need to set forth an example. If we fulfill promises made to them they will learn the value of keeping word. It also requires us to come forward for our family, friends or other people who need us most at their time of need.

Be a parent

Though after a point children want more freedom and privacy but while giving them space we need not to transform into their dream parent .Because irrespective of the fact that they have grown, as a parent our job is to be observant and to be careful so that they are not harmed any way. However we need to make our position acceptable too by letting them know we only mean good and do, whatever they find as annoying for their safety.

How to make children listen to youLet them know good and evil co exist

Children are pure and trusting. As parent we want them to be positive but letting them aware of the presence of unreliability is also crucial. For example, at a super store one can tell his kid-“Hey both this toothpaste claims to be no 1, but how can both be number one at a time? I guess that one or both of them are not telling the full truth”

how to make children listen to you
Its wise let them aware not everything is pure and good

Be consistent in implementing consequences

It is not possible to expect right manner and good behavior from a child when we ourselves let them get away with mistakes and bench of trusts. Children understand consistency and when we do not show consistency on reaction they get confused. At times it may seem hard to implement a consequence but without enforcing it they will be misguided.

While enforcing consistent consequences through cause and effect mechanism, certain things should be taken into consideration

ASAP

What we like and dislike; what we perceive as normal or abnormal greatly depend on what we have so far experienced. The habits that we have had till childhood are more or less our lifetime companion. So if we want our children to have a saving habit, thoughtful eating habit or any other good practices which we value than we should try to engrave them from very tender age; in an age appropriate manner. For example-My spouse taught my daughter to clean the toilet sit cover with tissue before using it at an age of three .With so many lessons she received some of which she chose to ignore with some she liked to keep, this one was somehow rooted down.So sooner the better completely goes with cultivating the good habits or stopping bad habits to grow (like-nail biting, swearing) .

No matter how obnoxious we behave with an irritating sales person over phone, how insensitively we ignore a plea of donation for a sick child in internet. We expect our children to be always polite, nice and kind. For ages all parents were inquisitive about ‘How to make children listen to you’. However it is more often ‘Us’ who come in our way to good parenting and setting good example as a role model.

Less sleep causes depression and psychological problems

Less sleep causes depression + psychological problems
sleep deprivation causes Psychological problems

It is still not fully proved how sleep problem leads to depression.Lack of sleep  reduces the hormone that helps many neurological functions. According to US national library of medicine national institute of health-Less sleep causes depression and psychological problems for many individual

So Chris did you sleep well at night? I was smiling trying to be cool, but truth is I was feeling helpless. I was standing in the class with a blank look. I could not respond to my professor’s question. He figured something out and asked me about my sleep deprivation pattern. I assume he knew  less sleep causes depression and psychological problems, and wanted to warn me.

It happened to me many more time. Staying awake at night and snoring in class. I used to think it does not do material harm to me. However when I was researching on the reasons behind depression and mood swings; I found some interesting facts about sleep.

Insomnia and Depression

A survey says 15-20% insomniacs are later diagnosed with

Less sleep causes depression and psychological problems
1 in 5 insomniacs suffers from Depression

depression.Also panic disorder test on 10000 adult shows that developing panic disorder is 20 times more likely among people who suffer from chronic insomnia or sleep deprivation.

Less sleep causes depression and psychological problems
Risk of panic disorder is 20 times higher among insomniac

How sleep problem leads to depression is still not fully proved. One fact is sure that depressed people sleep less or have more sleeping disorder. According to US national library of medicine national institute of health-

  • 75% or more depressed people have insomnia symptom.
  • 40% Young adult (aged less than 30) who suffer from depression also suffer from hyper insomnia.
  • 10% Older patients (in 50s) who suffer from depression also suffer from hyper insomnia.

Lack of sleep is more common in Woman

Unfortunately women suffer from more sleep deprivation.This might be another reason why more woman suffer from mood swings and psychological disorders.According to the In The Great British Sleep Survey  women has 10% less sleep score on an average.

Sleep disorder and quality of life

Sleeping disorder has a significant effect on a person’s quality of life.

Less sleep causes depression and psychological problems
impact of poor sleep on regular people

 UK conducted a questionnaire based survey to find out the effect of  sleep deprivation on depressed people. Result on depressed people showed that sleepless nights can lead to a restless day and affect quality of life significantly.

Less sleep causes depression and psychological problems
Associated daytime symptoms from sleeping disorder among depressed people

This figure show people who lacked sleep last night faced  difficulty in daytime .

Less sleep causes depression and psychological problems
effect on quality of life from lack of sleep

This figure shows 98% responded felt that deprivation of sleep caused their quality of life.Only 2% said it had no impact.

Another UK based study in 2011 says on an average 50% of people has problem with sleep.Again in 2016 it was revealed 50% female population of UK are sleep deprived. In The Great British Sleep Survey of 11,129 regular adults, the result shows ‘Sound and adequate sleep’ is a very scarce item and lack of it causes pain in everyday life.

  • Among the people who felt their sleep was not sufficient 75% was women.
  • 55% were having difficulties in relationship because of it.
  • 77% were having problems with concentration.
  • 64% said it reduced their productivity.
  • 83% had mood swings.
  • 93% felt low in energy.

Sleep and memory

Did you ever go blank in an exam?It may have happened because of many reasons but science says it may be because you slept less than required.

Less sleep causes depression and psychological problems
how long to sleep for different benefits

Sleep promotes memory consolidation. In Alzheimer amyloid accumulates and the patient feel problem to fell asleep. Elderly people also face problem with remembering things.It is mostly attributed to their less sleep schedule.

Sleep in which we dream is called REM (Rapid Eye Movement) has a great impact in acquisition of objects which are emotionally charged and complex (declarative memory).Without such acquisition we can not remember our learned object.

Deep and sound sleep without dream is called SWS (Slow wave sleep). It also plays crucial role in building declarative memory. So if you are not sleeping enough, you are also risking the process of memory building and learning.

Sleep is scarce sleep is valuable as- Less sleep causes depression and psychological problems

Sleep is scarce and valuable.It  totally fit in the definition of a commodity. Industry has recognized it, using it as a hot item. Personal fitness, activity, sleep tracking devices are much in demand today. These devices generated over 290 million dollars in 2015.Hotels are trying to make it  easier for their guests to sleep well.Hotel offers better mattress,more pillows,soothing sounds, highly efficient sheets.Airlines are offering noise cancellation, flat bed seats, improved food that is digestive and easy for sleep.

Less sleep causes depression and psychological problems
your mindset can help you to sleep

I do not know how much all these are helpful when we have a problem inside. When we are over thinking about the day we just spent.When we are worrying too much about the next day or something in near future. When we are so busy and chronically sleep deprived we forget the magical impact of 10 minutes of peace and mindfulness.

Uplift wife effortlessly with gift!

Why it is important for girls to get gifts on special days
To give a gift or not to give a gift?

Giving gift is a favorite subject of behavioral science, psychology, anthropology. Psychologists often say it is the giver rather than the recipient who often benefits physiologically more by having the satisfaction showing gratitude to a close one.So if it is a Special occasion it is wise to Uplift wife effortlessly with gift!

Why it is important for girls to get gifts on special days is surely a topic of research on this age of marketing . A 2005 survey showed-4 out of every 5 American consider gift giving culture to be a materialistic one.Many of them believe it is not worthy to endure all the traffic, advertising tricks and adverse effect of falling economy just to impress someone on a special occasion.However history says if it is a Special occasion,Uplift wife effortlessly with gift! it is a risk free technique.

Uplift wife effortlessly with gift!
Research result by Centre of New American dream (year 2005)

Uplift wife effortlessly with gift! vs Missing out significant bond

Researcher says people who ignores gift giving custom are surely missing out a very significant bond with family and friends.

Once I found a consumer phychologist Margaret Rucker from University of California saying that men are more practical and price conscious than woman while it comes to gift giving ritual.

However another study (Georgian Institute for consumer research in 2015) in Valentine’s days gift giving ritual revealed Men spends more on gift for their love of life than women.

Uplift wife effortlessly with gift!
Men feel better if they win in terms of giving a gift with more price

Also men feel better if they win in terms of giving a gift with more value (in terms of money).

I am quoting some other interesting fact of this study that clearly indicates the behavioral difference between man and woman, married and unmarried couples when it comes to the question of giving gift on valentines day-

Uplift wife effortlessly with gift!
Mostly those who are married or in a committed relationship wants to spend for valentines day gift

One of my friends once told me that birthday, anniversary, valentine’s day are the days that  give him panic attacks rather than the AGM or monthly sales meetings. Later on I realized he was basically a sensitive enough person to be taken his spouse’s reaction or (over reaction) so importantly! Even if you care enough you can sometime feel like it is perfectly ok to skip giving your long time girlfriend or wife an anniversary gift .Some partners may accept it and verbally say-‘it is ok’. But deep down women are these sensitive and emotional creature who always seek for recognition from the people important in their life.

So not caring enough to bring her a gift in her special day out of-laziness, selfishness or carelessness is most of the time not forgivable. Such action may raise many questions in her mind-for example-

“He no longer loves me as much he used to be”.

“He has too much work pressure and I am not a priority anymore”.

Most dangerous-“He may have someone else in life that he puts forth me”.

None of these thought is healthy or helpful for your relationship. So before such thoughts make her feel hurt and her pain turns into anger be ready to spend some money and get your back covered. Who knows 50 bucks can eventually save you from a post anniversary showdown or serious mood swings.

Uplift wife effortlessly with gift!
Source: Georgian Institute for consumer research -2015-Men vs women on choice of Valentines Day gift

Before moving any further-I am sharing another interesting study on the behavioral difference between men and women in terms of choosing a gift for the other half-

If you are wondering “What to get my wife in her birthday or anniversary”  than this chart may help you. Again here are some ingenious techniques that are easy to follow and unlikely to fail-

Wrap the gift

No matter how confused you are about the gift you got for her, a beautiful ribbon or an aesthetic wrapper will surely impress her and she will definitely give you a bow for wanting to put that much effort in it.If you are not so good at such craftiness than believe me you are in luck. Because most women can’t help feeling more in love to the idea of-“His effort were true but his helplessness did not let him to do it marvelously”

Uplift wife effortlessly with gift!
wrapping the gift adds so much value

Cook for Her

If you are a good cook than it is not much of an effort for you. In your Wife’s birthday or your anniversary gift her with a self made dinner/lunch.If you are  a person who cannot  even lit a stove than she will be happy if you genuinely help her in the kitchen like a team.

Uplift wife effortlessly with gift!
Cooking together is a priceless gift for her

You may end up doing not much and you may only be able to do the prep work for cooking, still the thought of your being in her team is a form of romantic solidarity that will truly make her feel going strong in her companionship with you. Home cooked meal is day by day being categorized as one the most romantic gesture. A survey in Australia revealed some of the facts summarized below

Perspective on home cooked meal Percentage
Nothing beats a romantic dinner 66%
Important for any romantic dinner 30%
Believing good food and drink is key to heart 59% men, 69% women
Nothing is more enjoyable than cooking favorite food for partner 68%  women, 62% men
Ability to listen to hear each other talk 43%
Less expensive than having dinner out 52%

 

Surprise at 12 

This is what my hubby does every year and I never feel a little less happy. No matter how repetitive it becomes it always fills me with joy. Being a cake lover, I also love the fact that he cares enough to buy me cake from my favorite bakers. With kids in the picture you can include them into making a greeting card or a craft gift for their mom too. This will definitely help you get some extra credit for something you put no effort on other than being the mastermind.

 

Dinner Date

This time of year you have to keep your bag ready for the treat that can make her feel special. Some women like expensive boutique hotels, some may opt for a open air dinner date.

Uplift wife effortlessly with gift!
Dinner dates never fail to impress her

The man can get a hint or can guess from previous experiences which are his partner’s preference. One thing to keep in mind is arrange for a babysitter in advance, because sometime even the most loving mom wants some alone time with her hubby.

Flower

The effortless, priceless, timeless gift of all time is a bunch of rose. You can buy Lily or any other favorite flower of her.A study on Floral purchasing study conducted in 2005 ,among 25-55 year old people, revealed some valuable insights to this topic which proves flowers are infalliable gift for women.

Regarding the quality of the flower 93% importance is given the freshness and quality. So while buying flower freshness and quality must not be negotiated. Do not go for it only because it is cheap. Rather go for it because it is romantic. Partners are gifted with this sixth sense that can reveal your true intention to them in most unwanted moment.

Uplift wife effortlessly with gift!
What kind of gift one gives also signals how serious one’s partner is about the other half.

One of the absolute way of showing importance to our partner is giving a gift. What kind of gift one gives also signals how serious one’s partner is about the other half. A woman once told that she knew that her marriage was over when her husband gave her a sharp knife in a grocery bag as a gift.

By stopping to give gift to your partner people often misses out the warmth in a relationship. The biggest reward of giving a meaningful or lovely gift is to us. It gives us the filling of fulfilling out partner’s need. It reinforces our feelings for our other halves.So beware about the mood swing and uplift wife effortlessly with gift!

If women were rewarded with love everyday and reminded every other day that her existence is all that make her partner feel special and secure, than forgetting special days and not bringing gifts in occasions would have been of lesser importance. But it rarely happens. So it is never ok to not recognize her even on her special days.

Brilliant ways to show confidence – How to appear more confident when you are not so confident

Psychologist says Brilliant ways to show confidence is through right body language.Some body languages are directly related to show confidence while other shows nervousness.

They say ‘fake it till you have it none can tell the difference’.
I must agree that I have faked confidence several times in my life. When I was on a stage presenting a case for the first time (and many more times later on). During job interviews, Before entering IT to deliver my baby. Showing confidence is something I treated as a sign of strength.We are all strong to some extent but then there comes the moment of weakness too,which very often we want to reveal. If you feel the same than you may like to remember these brilliant ways to show confidence in future.

Brilliant ways to show confidenceKeeping eye contact means you are paying attention and you are not nervous Taking eye off now and then or not maintaining eye contact reveals you are thinking in mind and trying to avoid the person or being intimidated by him to some extent.

Smile :

Confidence is shown in a natural smile. While making a conversation do smile often. Those who are not confident smile seldom in a conversation or never smile at all.

brilliant way to show confidence is to smile
a powerful way to show confidence is to smile

Posture:

 

posture brilliant ways to show confidence when you are not so confident

A straight posture is sign of confidence. If you are a sloucher in general try maintaining straight posture during important conversation, practice it at home and try maintaining it always. Slouching is viewed negatively when it comes to the question of a confident body language.

Leg-vibration:

A confident person never vibrates legs. he sits he may sit in a comfortable and easy manner but not so comfortable signaling that he is sleep deprived and going to get a nap. A sign of fidgeting. Any uncontrolled movement of body part like leg, hands even too many blinks are sign of nervousness or stress.

Standing up straight

Brilliant ways to show confidence through non verbal ways
How you stand says a lot about you

A very important sign of confidence. In front of mirror you can practice with your shoulder a little thrown back and the difference will be visible to you. Many genius and power people may not stand up so straight. Slouching is a common bad habit, however standing up straight shows you are not afraid. So there is no harm in practicing it, it is even good for your back bone.

Handshake

handshake a brilliant way to show confidence when not so confident
handshake a brilliant way to show confidence

A shaky approach and a numb hand during a loose gripped handshake will cry out loud about your nervousness more than you can imagine. So do not be so vulnerable and do shake hand when meeting someone to whom you want to make an appeal. Even if you do not feel the need. A firm handshake shows-eagerness and confidence. Remember not to hold for too long or too tight.

Walk

When we describe someone or have to identify someone from behind we focus on how they walk.You must have hear phrases about people like-“That man who creeps” or “a man hastle by”.We unknowingly judge people by their moves and it is quite logical.A person with nothing to do walk differently than a man with having an important interview in 15 minutes.

So Walk is an important feature. Take large steps. It signifies you know where you are heading and shows that you are fast and active, all are associated to more confidence

Think before speaking:

Well it is more of a habit and requires practice, however if you are nervous you may not be able to think clearly before speaking.

think before speak brilliant ways to show confidence
Confidence is reflected in the words coming out of your mouth

If your thinking ability has not fully collapsed due to nervousness than try to think about the words coming out of your mouth. We can sometime act funny or sound meaningless when speak in nervousness. If it is a pre planned meeting you can think ahead of some topics for conversation. This tactics will make situation easy and help you to feel more confident as conversation progress.

Dress for success:

If you believe you are looking presentable and smart than 50 % job is done.Appearance is a very big turner in any situation. If it is a pre planned meeting or interview it is wise to be careful about what you wear and how comfortably you can carry it.

Abrilliant way to appear confident is to look presentable
Appearance is a very big turner in any situation

We all know what formal dressing means,sometimes one may need to look presentable and appealing however dress should not speak more than you.

There is nothing wrong in being confused or not always confident.However in the world we live we very frequently need to make an impression by showing our confidence.It can be a dream job interview, a parents teacher meeting or meeting the father of the girl you are going to marry. Definitely you do not want to lose the chance to create the impression!So you can try these simple techniques and can see the impact.